I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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