I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
