I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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