you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
