I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize