y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All I want is dick and wine.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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