the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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