Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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