OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
