She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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