Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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