he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
