i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
