why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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