Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
