We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
