Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
