So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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