i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize