Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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