I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
