he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
