My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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