I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
