he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
