So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
