I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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