I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
