My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
