Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
