Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found your dick twin last night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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