from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
