you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
