i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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