He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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