fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
