I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
