Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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