Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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