okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
