I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if only i could text you this smell
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My pussy is not your playground.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
