Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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