i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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