So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
