So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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