Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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