I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize