Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
this hospital has no fireball
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
