the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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