If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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