Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
