I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
