Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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