She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
