If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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