he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize