I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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