it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
