Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
