I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
