Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize