she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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