I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
