Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
