Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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