as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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