just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
