you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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