ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
