he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
