thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
