Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
