I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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