he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
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