I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
