ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
