We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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