So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
