The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
