i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
