You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
