Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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