And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Green mimosas i think yes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
