No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
