Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
