well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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