i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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